You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
