I heard we made out
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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