even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize