I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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