actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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