she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
