Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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