I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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