Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
