just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
