Already got asked if we're dating
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
