The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
