So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
