I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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