She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
