oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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