i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
