did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
