He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
