So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The Olympian is in my bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
