i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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