Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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