Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
