I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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