Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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