my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
