who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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