Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
