waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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