He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
