speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
