Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
