Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
