ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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