Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
