ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
