im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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