love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
