my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
