Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
