my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
