Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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