i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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