My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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