Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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