Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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