Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
