it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
