I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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