Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Say something about gay babies.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
