My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
