Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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