He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
