I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
