Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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