So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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