I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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