She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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