Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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