i just wanna soil my oats bro
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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