I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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