I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
