Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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