I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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