i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
