i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
smell my finger.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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