On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
