We won't sleep together?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
