just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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