I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
