I just threw up on my dentist
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
