i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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