we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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