I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
where are my eyebrows?
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