I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
